Sunday, November 22, 2009

What's this world becoming?

The people in this world are becoming crazier by the minute. Here's why:

Last week a 14 year old boy was found dead in the woods. Today I heard what the reason was he was beaten to death, the 14 year old offender was in love with the same girl as the boy who died. How sick?! And you know what people (complete strangers) are saying? That the girl (13 years old) is to blame for this, because she made them fall in love with her. Come on!

I open my igoogle just a few minutes ago and there's the latest (horror) story. Yesterday a man was stabbed to death in the New York subway because of a seat. The victim had his bag on the seat next to him and refused to remove it when someone wanted to sit on that seat because there were enough free seats (apparently the subway was only half full). The offender then started to stab the victim multiple times.
Why? Why not remove the bag? Why not choose an empty seat to begin with? Why if the person doesn't remove the bag choose a different seat? Why on earth are you carrying a knife for anyway?

Why just not treat people the way you want to be treated? That way the world would hopefully be a better place.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

oops forgot to post (business as usual)

So I clicked save instead of publish on Tuesday, just before I shut down my laptop. But here's the rant anyway.

Life is going as usual, school school school. I've managed to fit in two birthdays the last weekends, so I've catched up with most of my friends. The next time I'll see them is probably on my birthday (3 weeks).

The teachers are giving us loads of stuff to do but at the sometime nothing at all. The deadline is known, Dec 18th, but we can't really start yet, which is really frustrating, because you know you're going to be uber-stressed in a few weeks time.

Right now I'm giving up my free day to work on the project. Well...Tuesday is class free but most of the times I'm completely stuffed with schoolwork, like today but we have to start the project and that leaves me giving up my free afternoon. I'm soooo not feeling it, I would like to do some other courses but I don't think I'll be able to manage that today.

The things that I am able to do for the classes are taking longer than expected. For instance for Finance I've had all this stuff before but the teacher just gives us less data and I was staring at one of the assignments for over half an hour before I knew how to calculate it. Dad and little brother couldn't help me either and they're both good at finance too. I know you're all thinking why didn't you just give up and start the next assignment, well...I knew I was able to find the answer, I just didn't know how. None of my classmates know by the way, they are already crying for help because nothing makes sense. So I think I have to schedule a few tutoring classes, which will be good but then again it will take up a lot of time. And I'm not sure if I have that time, since I already know how to do everything. If I help them pass one course and because of that fail another, well....that's not good. I need to make sure that I pass everything. So they'll just have to wait and see if I'll have time for them.

Sunday, November 08, 2009

Going under

I survived last week, but only barely. I had decided not to study for the exam on Thursday, that way I would have enough time before Tuesday to focus on the Tuesday morning exam, and would leave me with Wednesday and Thursday to study for Friday.

On Tuesday I get to class, late. Well...actually, after Monday's exam I get to the station and see that my train is cancelled for unknown time. The only way to go home is to get a bus, but not one going straight from this station to my station, no the bus has to pass all the stations it always passes. So I would first take a bus from A to B, 1,5 hours, B to C, 1.5 hours, C to D 1 hour. And if you have motion sickness, that really isn't an optiion. So I had to wait, luckily I had schoolstuff with me, but I came home at 5pm instead of 12.

One of my friends said Hope your train rides tomorrow. And I was like, well...we have our exam at 10.30, I'm at the station before 9 (train is supposed to leave at 9), so then I have over an hour to get to school, and I only need an hour. She was ok that's good.

On Tuesday morning, I get up 30 min earlier than I need to get up, I was awake and figured I could use the extra time to revise. When I'm completely done with my morning ritual, I pack my bag (that morning it was around 8.15), I checked my schedule to see what room I have to be in, and see that the exam starts at 9.30. Oh, that meant that I had to be in the train at 8. But we can be 30 min late for the exam and I would only be 5 min late, hopefully.

I called my friend to tell her that I would be late, and that she could have warned me that the exam wasn't at 10.30 but at 9.30, well...she didn't know, she also thought it was at 10.30. Ah well...she would be on time and notify the teacher. Then the train stops change, normally it's an intercity and only stops at the few big cities, but because of the accident the day before, it would stop at all stations in between as well. And there goes my exam, oi.

Well...I got lucky the bus was a bit late so I managed to catch it and be only 15 min late. I looked at the exam and thought I should have missed it, because I didn't know any of the questions. The teacher had mentioned that the models in his lectures and some chapter from the book were the most important, so I studied them and you could ask me anything about any of those models. It had just slipped my mind that we also had articles that accompagnied every workshop, so I had read them once for class but I hadn't studied them and most were about a model anyway. Well...the teacher asked very specific questions about those articles. Most people had no clue what he was asking.

The girl sitting in front of me gets up 45min after the exam started. That's fast, but most of the time I'm also one of the first to leave. So I didn't give it much attention.
Later when we're studying with a group for the afternoon exam, one says She just walked out, she had only written half a page or so (not nearly enough to answer even 3 questions). Doesn't she know you have to have at least 35% to be allowed to do a resit? And I and all the other went euhm...WHAT!!!

Previous years you had to have 55% correct for a pass. This year it's 60%, under normal circumstances that is perfectly doable (I normally go for 70%, don't try to compare it to the US system, it just doesn't work), but with too much to do for all courses that just managable. But now we also had to have at least 35% to even be allowed to do a resit. Jeez. So long for my exam on Thursday and Friday :s.

I studied mostly for the one on Friday and did minimum for Thursday because I knew that there was no way I'm going to pass, so hopefully with minimum studying and creative answers I would be able to get 35% right. Well...I did the exam, and I'm not counting on it but I might have actually passed it. It was just sooo simple, and if I had done just a bit more I would be sure that I'd passed.

The one on Friday was also doable. At least this teacher already mentioned the models you needed to use for the question in the question (not like the one on Tuesday), but you have to completely explain all models. I think I have managed at least 50%, I know that's not 60% but this exam will be combined with a paper (deadline the Friday before Christmas), and I usually get 70% on those which is 60% on average.

As soon as the exams were over I had to start a project with a deadline this Tuesday. Well...I rewarded myself with visiting a friend, I was in need of some rest and no school thoughts (well....that didn't really work since her thesis is on stuff I had to learn for these exams, so I could help her a bit with giving names for models and sources).

Yesterday my brain just didn't work. I had managed to get everything non-school related done before 12 (that includes sleeping in), but there I was was, sitting in front of my notebook with my schoolbooks and just nothing.

So I only have today, and I'm sort of procrastinating. The paper is only 10 pages but the teacher said that it would be difficult to stay within those 10 pages (although it's allowed to be a few more but anything over 15 won't be read). And I soooo don't want to do this anymore.

It's not that I can't handle it, I'm managing, sometimes almost having panic moments/nervous breakdowns, but I'm handling it. But the thing is, I would love to just have one day, one day completely free of school. Not only just relaxing and doing nothing for school but also not having that little voice in your head going it would be smart if you'd do something for school, you know it's going to be tough if you do nothing. Because right now, I have the feeling I'm going under and that I'm not coming up to catch enough breath before going under again.

This whole paper should have just not been there. They just gave it before the Autumn break (only studying for exam week) and it has to be done after the examweek, so only 2 weeks. And those 2 weeks no one had any time at all (everyone still had to start this weekend).

This weekend should have been completely relaxed, done with one period, not yet started on the next. A weekend where you could destress and mentally prepare yourself for the next challenge.

Although there's some good news. the next examweek is after the Christmas break, so 2 weeks of studying instead of 1. And I've checked and we can only have 3 exams.
But with good news there's most of the time also some bad news, only 3 exam mean at least 5 papers to write (got 8 courses), and those deadlines are all Friday 18th Dec. Only 6 weeks. (but that also means, only 6 weeks till Christmas).

Another reason for me going under. In October I wanted to go a month without snacking, which I gave up after 2 weeks, since it didn't help. And I still have no idea why not? Instead of loosing weight I'm gaining weight. I know I haven't moved a lot the last 2 weeks, because I was too busy with school but that also means that I haven't been getting up to get snacks. I gained 2 kilo's, how on earth is that possible?

So with the new school period starting tomorrow, I'm going to stop snacking again (at least till Christmas) and try to do extra exercises every day for 30 min (I already cycle for 30min (but that's from getting to the station and back) and walk 30 min (since the damn train is delayed and I miss my bus) on top of all the walking daily do). This needs to work. I can't start dieting, I'm a too picky eater for dieting.

Now I really have to get to work on my paper, ugh.

Sunday, November 01, 2009

Nervous breakdown

No I'm not having a nervous breakdown. I'm just allowing myself to have one. I have the feeling that I'm going to fail all my courses. But I'm not doing the nervous breakdown thing, it won't help so why do it?

In my stuff of one of the courses I found a test exam I haven't done yet (not that we have access to the answers somewhere but at least I can try and then check it with the book). And I couldn't even answer the simplest question. Alarm bells going off.

And while I'm studying one of the courses, another one keeps popping up. Because they use the same terms but explain it differently, or it's exactly the same but just with different terms. And oh dear if you're using the wrong term for the wrong exam. Again alarm bells going off.

And that I have the feeling that I've been doing nothing but studying this week but at the same time haven't done a thing at all. Some more alarm bells going off.

You know what? I'm not having a nervous breakdown, I don't have the time to have a nervous breakdown. And what if I fail all my courses? I'll just do it again at the end of Jan. Hoping that I've passed the next set of courses at the beginning of Jan (so I won't have to do 11 resits).
I have chances and options, so there's no need for me to have a nervous breakdown.

And from next Monday on, I'm just going to work a little bit harder so I won't be doing two weeks of studying in the Christmas break, because I can't do this last week again.

Luckily for me, one of my friends/classmates thinks the same way. Which means that we're going to work together. Well...not completely together because that would only result in doing nothing except chatting. But we'll both read the stuff assigned, and one makes a summary immediately of course A and the other of course B, so we have our summaries ready before the Christmas break and we only have to study our summaries instead of the whole book and making the summaries.

Okay, I'm not having a nervous breakdown. I'll do fine. I'll survive next week. I'll go for 3 out of 5.